The Heart Of The Amazon

I hate models. So so much. I look at a picture of one and all of a sudden every imperfection on my body stands out in my mind. All my problems just stand there staring at me. And it's depressing. I don't want to look at someone who's slim and pretty and realise how I'm so much the opposite. Therefore, I state that models are bad for public moral. It's all very well and good looking in a magazine and saying "Oh, the airbrush did all that" but what about the catwalk? You can't 'airbrush' those women. This is such an unbelievably painful realisation for people who care about this sort of thing. The number of people with eating disorders is rising after already being inexplicably high and yet magazines and fashion shows are still obssessing about size zero. Oh yeah, let's give the younger generations something to cry about...for a change. Yes, we have war, famine and other things going on, but let's face it, these things have been brought to being almost distant from people in places like the UK. Every now and then we have a reawakening (like the recent bombs in London) but, essentially, we're left to be able to focus more closely on our own little worlds. And the modelling community doesn't help. No matter how many men say they prefer people who aren't stick thin, girls are still going to almost revere the people with those figures. Because, unfortunately, they're everywhere. THEY'RE MODELS. They must be pretty like that otherwise they wouldn't do the jobs they do. It's no good thinking about the IQ of most of them because that doesn't help either, it just brings up the question: "Why can't I be pretty AND intelligent?". Depressing. Models make me feel moreso the way I usually do: chunky and unattractive.

I hate models.

And you know the thing that makes it just that bit worse? Read this:
"I just can't get attractive girls."-Guy
"You had * didn't you?" - Me
"Yeah, but that was ages ago. Now I can't even get you to be interested." - Guy

I hate men.

By the power of Sirithis I command thee: Sod Off.

I want to go camping again. I love spending the nights outside under the stars. When you're camping it's like the rest of the world doesn't exist, only the people who are there with you. I've found I become more tolerent with people when I'm camping. I'm better at talking, and I'm a lot calmer. For example, if someone is intentionally playing football near me when I'm lying on the grass, then kicking at me, I'm unlikely to use my usual tactic of ripping out their throats. In fact, when this happened, I just lay there and ignored it, and it was my boyfriend who got very scary. It's nice to just be so absent from the things that bother me so much from day to day. I'm even looking forward to my Duke Of Edinburgh despite the pain I forsee. I want to lie there in a tent and feel like there is nothing else in the world, because it is one of the greatest feelings there is. I want to sit around the fire looking into the faces of the people who I spend most of my free time with, and know that somewhere inside, they feel the way I do.