The Heart Of The Amazon

I feel as though something is not quite right inside. Somewhere a piece of me is fading and I don't feel like myself. I don't know what is wrong, it's hard to pinpoint the feeling. I hope it goes away.

I have sat here all morning trying to log in to Windows Live Messenger and it can't even be consistent in its error messages. Not to mention the fact that I could pedal my internet faster than it runs itself. There is absolutely no need for the computer to be running this slowly and it's driving me mad. So now I have noone to talk to at all. This is teh suxxorz.

Is anybody listening?
Can they hear me when I call?
I'm shooting signals in the air,
'Cause I need somebody's help
I can't make it on my own,
So I'm givin' up myself
Is anybody listenin', listenin'?

I've been stranded here and I'm miles away
Making signals hoping they would save me
I lock myself inside these walls
'Cause out there I'm always wrong
I don't think I'm gonna make it
So while I'm sitting here on the eve of my defeat
I write this letter and hope it saves me

[chorus:]
Is anybody listening?
Can you hear me when I call?
Shooting signals in the air
'Cause I need somebody's help
I can't make it on my own
So I'm givin' up myself
Is anybody listenin', listenin'?

I'm stuck in my own head and I'm oceans away
Would anybody notice if I chose to stay here?
I'll send an S.O.S. tonight
And wonder if I will survive
How in the hell did I get so far away this time?
So now I'm sitting here
The time of my departure's near
I say a pray please, someone save me

Isn't anybody listenin'?
Can you hear me when I call?
Shooting signals in the air
'CuzI need somebody's help
I can't make it on my own
So I'm givin' up myself
Isn't anybody listenin', listenin'?

[chorus]
I'm lost here
I can't make it on my own
I don't wanna die alone
I'm so scared
Drowning now
Reaching out
Holding on to everything I love
Crying Out
Dying now
Need some help

Is anybody listenin'?
Can you hear me when I call?
Shooting signals in the air
I need somebody's help
I can't make it on my own
I'm givin' up myself
Is anybody listenin'?

I now feel quite a bit better. Neurotics have calmed because of a soothing phonecall from boyfriend. As usual I did most of the talking but that doesn't bother me, it's nice to hear his voice. Still, it's annoying because he's in America. Lucky Americans.

Explorers last night was great and made me feel a bit better. I'm less neurotic today, a bit at least. Very musically minded at the moment though. I noticed I seemed to be more outgoing than usual last night as well, and scared a couple of people which is always fun. Paranoia not too bad right now, which is good as long as it doesn't hit back.

My head is...drifting along in its own special way. Which means that it's being awkward but I'm dealing. Sort of.
Red Out.

I by no means intend to continue with 2 posts a day. It's just, there're some things I need to get out. It's difficult though. My head doesn't seem to be working properly. I'm feeling very paranoid, and I'm already neurotic enough. Added on to that, I have no one who I can really talk to properly at the moment. It's like everyone has just sort of flown off. Well, one person has, but he's on a holiday he apparently would rather not be on. That's part of my paranoia. Its unbelievably stupid, but I'm convinced that when he comes back, he won't want to come back to me. I don't know why. I hate my head. It's bullying me again.

Yes, I'm actually choosing the songs that go here. I can advise listening to them.

Opening Credits:
Lip Gloss And Black - Atreyu

Waking Up:
Bring Me To Life - Evanescence

First Day At School:
Paranoid - Type O Negative

Falling In Love:
Love You To Death - Type O Negative OR A Kiss To Remember - My Dying Bride OR in my case, Vermillion Part 2 - Slipknot

Fight Song:
Mobscene or The Fight Song - Marilyn Manson

Breaking Up:
Call Me When You're Sober - Evanescence OR Predictable - Good Charlotte

Prom:
All The Small Things - blink-182

Life:
Eye Of The Tiger - Survivor

Mental Breakdown:
The Downward Spiral (Full Album)- Nine Inch Nails
OR
The Wall (Full Album) - Pink Floyd
(yes, me having a mental breakdown would require full albums)

Driving:
Dead Skin Mask - Slayer (To creep out the little kids) OR (my uncle's favourites) Born Slippy - Underworld, and Insomnia - Faithless

Flashback:
Bother - Stone Sour (if it was a depressing flashback)
Victoria's Secret - Sonata Artica (if it was happy)

Getting Back Together:
The One I Love - The Rasmus

Wedding:
Suteki Da Na - Rikki Nakano

Birth of Child:
With Arms Wide Open - Creed

Final Battle:
The Evil That Men Do - Iron Maiden
OR
Brighter Than A Thousand Suns - Iron Maiden

A surprising amount of thought went into some of these. Others didn't need it.